Re: Tropicana Las Vegas presents: the Jamie Gold Poker Room (srsly)
I translated some of the statements in that article for your review:
“We’re thrilled to welcome Jamie to the Tropicana family,” stated Melissa Steinberg, vice president of entertainment and casino operations at Tropicana Las Vegas.
Translation: Our property is 25 minutes from being bought by Steve Wynn, imploded in a YouTube movie, and rebuilt into a 45 story tower that won't sell more than 1/3 of it's footprint, so whatever. Jamie Gold, Jamie Foxx, Barry Goldwater - does it really f*cking matter?
“This new poker room is sure to not only create unique and memorable gaming experiences for our guests.....
Translation: "Dude, I played in this shitball poker room with this grinning retard walking around with a WSOP bracelet, probably luckboxed the $1000 NLHE event, and he played $1/2 with us and donked off like $2150, OMG what a stupid retarded fish. I think I caught Hepatitis C handling sitting in those chairs though. And the whole place smelled like turpentine, which was weird".
".....but will also give them the opportunity of a lifetime to play with one of the most iconic poker players of our time.”
Translation: "Who the f*ck was that grinning retard?"
“This deal with Tropicana covers everything I could have ever wanted in a relationship with a major Las Vegas Strip resort and it will serve as my anchor and the conduit to all of my future poker and philanthropic endeavors" said Gold.
Translation: This deal with the Tropicana is the only thing I could get after Bill's Gamblin' Hall and Saloon turned me down. At least I can brag to my Hollywood friends that I'm such a balla degen. And if Steve Wynn doesn't buy this dump, I can purchase it for a cool $2M and give it away to the homeless. Hollah!"
Gold said. “I really couldn’t be more excited!”
Translation: I just had a really good poop. Didn't even need to wipe!
BBotB4 -> March 20th - 24th 2014 -> lock up your seats now.